Begin with the End in Mind

 “After endless days of commuting on the freeway to an antiseptic, sealed-window office, there is a great urge to backpack in the woods and build a fire.”

~Charles Krauthammer

Commute or no commute, the urge to backpack in the woods is always present for me.  But it does seem that of all moments in the day, commuting is the most stagnant, uninspiring, and detached time.  

I'm jumping ahead a bit, to consider the effects of a task that I've already (unintentionally) completed. Yes, I am cheating a bit here, but in reviewing #3 (Evaluating Time Commitments), I should take advantage of those things that have already been completed, and not waste valuable time unnecessarily repeating these efforts!

#71 Live closer to work. This might mean getting a job closer to your home, or moving to a home closer to your work. Either will do much to simplify your life.

Having recently moved a bit west and a bit south from my previous home, my commute has become a helluva lot easier (and a wee bit more green!)  Some days, I would even describe the drive as
ENJOYABLE
and stress  
RELIEVING!   

Oh new route, how I love thee.  Let me count the ways:

  

1.  NO highways - none!  I can make it to work in as easy as three (5 if you count pulling out of the driveway and into the parking lot) turns.  All of which are onto wooded, rural, country roads.  Don't worry - they're paved, although snow days will undoubtedly be problematic.  

2.  I get to enjoy a beautiful scenery, accompanied by any appropriate soundtrack, before starting my work day.  It can be fairly tranquil and inspiring ... as long as I resist the urge to put on the news.

3.  No more stop and go, or bumper to bumper.  Tailgaters are a rarity and risky passing is no longer needed.  I am much less annoyed at humankind when I arrive to work.  Which I suppose is a good thing, considering my job puts me in direct contact with tiny humans.

 4.  With a 25 - 30 minute commute, and little risk of traffic issues (endless side ways to get         around that), I can allow myself much more sleep.  I have gained a solid 45 minutes in sleep, and rarely (if ever) find myself frantically rushing out the door.  Hurricane Meg no longer reaps havoc on the bedroom, bathroom, or kitchen before picking up her Southerly route. 

5.  Let's look at the commute FROM work:  same details apply, PLUS I arrive earlier and in a much more pleasant mood.  This allows for extra time with my family (note: fiance and dog) and extra down time to relax, get thing done, work out, etc.

The easier, less stressful, and more tranquil/relaxing/inspiring/beautiful the morning is, the more pleasant the entire day becomes.  This is one of those things that sounds just too cheesy and unrealistically optimistic..  It seems highly unlikely coming from someone else.  Like when you're fourteen and an older sibling or parent tells you that the boy/girl who just broke your heart will be an unrecognizable memory when life really matters.  Highly unlikely.  But I tell you it's true.  (Both the commute and the broken heart.)

Now granted, one would need to be strongly committed to simplifying his or her life to take on this task without previous intentions of moving or changing jobs.  But, I would strongly encourage some serious consideration from this perspective, if the possibility of moving has already been suggested.  If you are are not in a position to uproot or job hunt, but are curious, try finding an open couch closer to work, or rent a hotel room for week to experience it for yourself.  

It's worth it, and it makes a difference.

Just Say No

Hmm...It seems that I have some lost time to make up for if I'm going to meet my goal of simplifying my life before January 1, 2011.

Because it has been on my mind, I'm going to jump ahead a little to #6 Learn to say no. This is actually one of the key habits for those trying to simplify their lives. If you can’t say no, you will take on too much. Article here.

I recently attended a conference for Middle School teachers, and participated in a workshop focused on reducing stress and teacher burnout.  One of the presenter's ideas really resonated with me.  It is the idea of saying "no," but presented in a way that removes the guilt from turning down requests (particularly those from friends, family, and bosses.)

When guilt or obligation are the motivators for accepting a request, the requested act adds stress and toxicity to our lives.  We see and experience only the additional stress that the task presents, not its intended positive, meaningful, or necessary purpose.  The task takes away from, instead of adding to, our lives.  We have opted, chosen, to do something that has a negative effect on our lives! 

Considering the high level of inevitable stress (job expectations, family obligations, personal needs and challenges) that exists, it seems unfathomable that we would actually opt to take on additional negative stress.  But when we stop and think about our experiences with being talked into (intentionally or unintentionally) taking on a request, and the feelings that come from performing this task, it is clear that in essence, this is exactly what we've done. 

The guilt or obligation that we often feel is created within ourselves, and is usually not intended by the requester.  Most likely this individual has made the request of us because of their confidence in our abilities, not because they want us to feel guilted or threatened into saying yes. 

(I will not begin to say that there are not exceptions, of people who use guilt to get something they want. But the majority of people, particularly friends, family members, and colleagues, are not intentionally manipulative.)  

When we accept requests out of guilt, or feelings of obligation, we often end up feeling resentful or bitter towards the requester.  (They are, in fact, simply that - someone making a request.  We are the ones that accept.)  Another reason we may feel forced to accept a request, is for fear that the requester will be upset should we turn them down.  Yet, when given the choice between asking someone else or being the subject of silent resentment, most would undoubtedly move on to another candidate.  In an attempt to keep our relationship free of tension, we actually create unprompted negativity that will inevitably fester between us.  

Even though recognizing and accepting these ideas is easy, it is still difficult to actually say no!  Here's where the new perspective comes in:

Rather than telling yourself to "say no" - remind yourself to always be a "joyful giver."  Instead of telling yourself "I have to say no, just say no, just say no" (which in itself can create anxiety) tell yourself "I will only accept requests that bring me personal joy.  I want to be seen as a joyful giver, and therefore I will only give to things that will naturally give me joy."  In essence they are synonymous.  But the mindsets are different. Each perspective sets us up for different feelings, motivations, and reactions.

If we consciously save our energies only for the requests that will naturally bring us joy - are connected to our hobbies, interests, skill and/or beliefs - we will be less stressed and more fulfilled.  We will be seen as and feel like joyful givers.  By reminding ourselves that we want our energies to be available for those requests that we can take on with joy, we remove the guilt that we often feel, and take on experiences that add to our lives without subjecting the requester to unwarranted resentment. 

Here is a step-by-step script for saying "No."

1.  "I appreciate your vote of confidence or I appreciate you thinking of me"

2.  "I think this is a worthy cause or I think this a good idea"

3.  "For several reasons I have to say no"

4.  Immediately break eye contact

You have now said "no" in a clear, direct, kind, and final way.  There is no room for questioning, pushing, or persuading by the requester. 

This idea strongly resonates with me.  I am quick to say yes to just about anything.  For me, it doesn't necessarily come from a place of guilt or obligation.  Rather, I think, I am anxious to have experiences and to learn (regardless of the subject and its connection to my life.)  I also have a hard time turning down things that I know I can take on successfully.  If I can do it, why not do it?  But by volunteering without discretion, I exhaust myself, and save nothing for the opportunities that could be accepted joyfully and add meaning to my life.

So yes, I will be taking on #6.  But rather than saying "no," I will be saving my "yeses" for the requests that I can take on with, and for the sake of, JOY.

Your multipass has been accepted!

The giving and receiving of some much awaited love!

I am ecstatic to announce that Korbin Dallas has returned!  It was all rather anti-climatic.  After days of searching, hundreds of fliers, and constant phone call and internet updates, Korbin showed up at our new house and walked right through the front door.  Fifteen pounds lighter and much stinkier than when he left, but the vet has given him an otherwise clean bill of health!  Amazing.

Just a few hours later - already wanting a walk and fun with sticks!

If only we had know, we would have saved ourselves a lot of energy and stress by just ... waiting!  Joking aside, we are filled again with joy and much relief.  We can finally get back to normal, to have our minds and energies available for every day life.

A Brief Public Service Announcement

Yikes.  Rule #1 of blog writing:  Write daily, if not several times a day.  I can explain - really!

As if moving and cleaning an entire house in two days isn't enough of a challenge, add lost dog to the mix! 

Zach and I were very excited about our move from the internet-less house in the middle of nowhere, to the awesomeness that is my grandmother's farm.  Can we say: internet, seclusion and 76 acres of private woods and fields!  We left our dog at my parent's house when we went out for a bit Saturday night (no judgment - it was a necessary family event.)  My parents returned home before us, let Korbin out - for obvious reasons - and he bolted!  He has been to the farm before and knows my parents, but since we weren't there he must have thought he was being abandoned. 

Needless to say we have been emotional wrecks since Saturday night, and have spent countless hours searching, passing out fliers, making calls, and updating our facebook pages and email groups. 

This blog has not been high on my list.  And yet, I continue to have epiphany worthy thoughts that I'm anxious to share here, so I hope to get back on track tomorrow.

In the meantime, the longest "worst day of my life" continues ...